Friends by Diane Jacoutot
I had dinner out with some friends last night. It was 8 of us, all women of a certain age (don't go there) and we stayed out far too late on a school night because we just got talking and having a good time. As you do when you meet up with friends you havent seen in a while.
And it got me thinking. When moving abroad for the first time, one of the most common concerns, besides the Big Three of Safety (Is it safe?), Distance (what happens if a parent/someone gets ill at home/I dont like it) and Professional Confidence (can I teach this new curriculum?), the fear of not fitting in and making friends is a widespread one.
I think this fear stems from most of us having experienced some form of a 'Mean Girls' moment at some point in our past. A time when we were in that universally awkward situation of feeling friendless and insecure because we didn't fit in. Walking into a new school in a new country means being The New Kid in a big way, and walking into a new social structure with its own culture and rules you wont quite comprehend.... Until you inadvertently break one, that is. It's a logical fear because it will be new and different, and in the mind of a teacher weighing up the evil she knows versus the evil she does not, the fear can take on gargantuan proportions. It's all to do with the kind of people who are in your new international school and there's no way to know until you get there.
Yet despite this potential minefield, we don't get reports back of Mean Girl issues. On the contrary, most teachers we place internationally love their time abroad and dont want to come back they want to try new schools again and again.
I have a theory about why; which is that teachers who work in international assignments tend to be more confident, outgoing and culturally accepting than teachers that stay put, and this makes international schools and organisations more welcoming and accepting of The New Kids like you. Why? Because the expat teachers in your new school also made the leap to go abroad and you now know just how hard that is and it weeds out the small minded, the ignorant and the insecure.
In addition, the average staff turnover in an international assignment is about 20% a year, and the perpetual stream of new teachers coming through means the doors to different friendship groups are always open. And it means that you are more likely to find people such as yourself people who are open minded, adaptable and adventurous of all ages in your new school. And this interesting dynamic is not just applicable to international schools but also local international type schools and Licensed Teacher roles as well because even if there are a limited number of expatriate teachers at a school, the very fact that you are an expatriate means you don't get dragged into the dramas of the locally hired staff you can float above the fray with a 'get out of jail free' pass in your back pocket. And that's one of my favourite parts of being an expatriate because you can pick and choose when you want to assimilate into a culture -usually the positive things- and when you do not.
This is not to say that a typical international assignment is a Utopian paradise of softly focussed, rose-scented happiness where you run hand-in-hand with your new best friends through a field of daisies, but I do stand by my assertion that on average, teachers and leaders who take the leap abroad are a different breed. I see it every day.
So whilst it is scary to be walking away from an established life in an established social circle into the great unknown, the very fact that you are considering it means something. And as hard as it is to take this leap of faith, you can do so knowing that the school will be staffed with people you will, in the main, be very happy to meet... and they will be happy to meet you.
